Deja Vu…Does The Past Keep Making An Appearance In Your Present?


We’ve all seen it in the movies and maybe even experienced this train wreck in person…you know the one where you seem to have no control over what comes out of that hole in the middle of your face and you’re spewing out every detail of every nightmarish relationship that you have ever had. Maybe, you’re sitting down to dinner with a new beau for the first time and the conversation is running thin. Your date says, “So…I read on your Facebook page that you like the gun range.” Then faster than a speeding bullet, like a runaway train, the words.. “Yeah, my ex was really into guns…” flies out of your mouth. Of course, you hear this mood killer, but because of the awkward look on his face you continue to talk, “Yeah, he had like four guns…” Inside your mind is screaming, “SHUT UP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Abort mission, abort!” But you keep talking. Okay, this can be attributed to first date jitters, and can even be overlooked.

However, this becomes a problem in the event that you’re given another chance, and the budding romance actually blossoms into a full blown relationship. If you are constantly bringing up stories about the activities that you and your ex once engaged in, your mate will begin to feel as if you aren’t over the past relationship and that he or she is simply a rebound. They may even be unsure about how to communicate with you, or how to build a future with you when you seem so stuck in the past. Whether it be good or bad, constantly talking about a past relationship, does nothing for you or your current partner. Speaking negatively of your ex may even appear as if you’re being bitter or resentful towards that person. As if you’re keeping those negative thoughts in the forefront of your mind…making it difficult to move forward. The best metaphor I’ve heard for this situation is “It’s impossible to write a new chapter when you are constantly rereading the last chapter!” Now, I’m not saying that you should NEVER talk about your past, because some of those experiences can give your partner some insight into why you’re the person that you are now. However, just remember to keep it light and try not to go into over-share mode! 

We all know that communication is key to unlocking a successful relationship…but respect, trust, and maturity are just as vital as well!



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